Living with ‘Not Good Enough’: How We Work With This Feeling, Not Against It

Photo by whitney sause on Unsplash

We meet so many people who carry the same quiet, painful belief:“I’m not good enough.”

It’s a thought that can feel like fact. Especially for those of us with ADHD, or anyone who’s lived for years trying to fit into a world that never felt built with us in mind. Sometimes this belief grows from missed deadlines, forgotten appointments, or feedback from others. Sometimes it’s rooted in childhood experiences where we were misunderstood, overlooked, or labelled “too much” or “not enough.” And sometimes… it’s just there, heavy and familiar, for no obvious reason at all.

Steve’s Perspective: Learning to Speak to Myself Differently

Over the years, I have learned that the “not good enough” feeling doesn’t just disappear because we want it to. But I’ve also learned that I don’t have to believe it or feed it. When it shows up, I try to slow down and listen to the way I’m speaking to myself. Am I using words I’d say to a friend? Or am I falling back into old habits of harsh criticism?

I remind myself how far I’ve come, the things I’ve survived, the ways I’ve grown, the people I’ve helped. These aren’t empty affirmations; they’re facts. And even when the feeling lingers, I’ve learned it’s okay to sit with it for a while. I don’t rush to fix it or push it away. I wait. And when the storm passes, I remind myself again: “I am enough, even on my hard days.”

This isn’t a magic solution. It’s a practice, one I return to over and over. And gradually, it’s helped me trust my worth more deeply.

Helen’s Perspective: Still Learning, Still Growing

I am not as far along this journey. I know the theory: I’ve read the books, had the conversations, and trained in this work. I understand where these feelings come from, but living it, in the day-to-day? That’s harder.

Some days I catch myself early. I notice the spiral starting and remind myself this is my ADHD talking, not reality. Other days, I get swept up in the old stories: “You should be better at this by now. You should know better. You should…” The ‘shoulds’ are endless.

What helps me is remembering that this is a process. Knowing how my brain works doesn’t erase the feelings, but it helps me hold them with a bit more compassion. I try to pause, name the feeling, and gently remind myself that progress isn’t linear. Some days, managing this feels easy. Other days, it’s just about staying kind to myself until the feeling passes.

Together: Compassion Over Perfection

The truth is, neither of us has “fixed” this completely. And we don’t believe anyone needs to. Feeling “not good enough” is part of being human. What matters is how we respond.

For us, it’s about:

• Noticing the story when it shows up.

• Speaking to ourselves the way we’d speak to someone we love.

• Remembering how far we’ve come, even when it doesn’t feel like enough.

• Allowing the feeling to exist without letting it define us.

This isn’t about positive thinking or pretending. It’s about practising compassion, over and over, until it becomes the louder voice.

Final Thought: You Are Not Alone

If you recognise this feeling — if you’re tired of carrying it alone — we want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing. You deserve support, understanding, and tools to help you walk this path with more ease and kindness toward yourself.

At The Bramble Path, this is at the heart of what we offer: Space to be human, to grow at your own pace and to learn how to live well with the brains we have.